April 2009
9 posts
Professor talks to students about loincloths
PROFESSOR [talking about Genesis]: Ok, so we covered the reason for loincloths last class.
STUDENT #1: Wait, why was that again?
PROFESSOR: (silence)
STUDENT #2: Adam had an erection.
PROFESSOR: Exactly. Thank you for cutting though the bullshit.
John Lennon talks to an interviewer about Ringo
INTERVIEWER: Is Ringo the best drummer in the world?
JOHN LENNON: Ringo isn't even the best drummer in The Beatles.
Ryan Purtill talks to an interviewer about what...
RYAN PURTILL: My new album would be like a SuperPoke to the heart. If your soul had a seat belt, you’de better buckle up kiddo. I’m talking music that would blow your mind all over your face type music. Like if heroin was music. Or if like cleavage could play guitar. Yeah like remember 911 and how bad that was? Well this would be like that but a good thing instead of a bad thing. Yeah that’s what...
Melissa 1 talks to Melissa 2 about chat posts
MELISSA 1: i didn't even notice you could post chats.
MELISSA 2: that's because you're not internet literate.
MELISSA 1: what should i write?
MELISSA 2: i don't know. we could just copy the example.
MELISSA 1: okay. um. let's see. could you give me directions to a men's dressing room?
MELISSA 2: no, but i can give you directions to an actual guy's apartment & you can watch him change through his window.
MELISSA 1: whoa. it's like you're reading my mind. so, what am i thinking now?
MELISSA 2: that we should go throw water balloons at the people leaving the bar around the corner.
NewScientist talks to Harold Varmus about life...
NEWSCIENTIST: You worked with Bill Clinton, and now Barack Obama. What about the man who came between them, George W. Bush?
HAROLD VARMUS: It was not a good time for science, but it wasn't an unmitigated disaster. I would say two things that are often forgotten. To his credit Bush completed the doubling of the budget for the National Institutes of Health. And he did good things for global health. But there were many other things that hurt science and undermined the science advisory process. However, that era is over. We need to be clear about the fact that damage has been done, and we need to repair that damage and look ahead.
NEWSCIENTIST: How do we repair the damage?
HAROLD: We've now got the chance to work with a president who has a positive vision of science and a very strong commitment to the fundamental principle that government should operate in a way that is based on rational thinking and evidence rather than dogma.
NEWSCIENTIST: Have you spoken to the new president about science?
HAROLD: Yes, in general terms. He's not a trained scientist, but what we can expect from him is a deep understanding of what scientists can do for society. To solve the nation's energy problems he has named a distinguished physicist to run the department of energy. That's an amazing symbol of his conviction.
NEWSCIENTIST: The "stimulus package" includes a strong investment in science. Wouldn't we be better off building roads and bridges?
HAROLD: Science is a good place to spend money. The long-term benefits are said to be about 150 per cent from government investment in science. In the short term money buys salaries, equipment and infrastructure. It's now our responsibility to find ways to use this largesse in a way that doesn't hurt us down the road by creating a cycle of boom and bust.
[Shamelessly swiped from: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20227026.700-one-minute-interview-varmus-on-bush-and-obama.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news]
Bonusland talks to whiteXbread about Onan
Bonusland: Not to mention, God TOLD Onan to impregnate the bitch.
whlteXbread: Wow, how do I not remember who Onan was?
Bonusland: OK, here's the story.
Onan was a dude, he had a brother, his brother had a wife.
God didn't like the brother, so he killed him. Said he was evil and shit.
So then God said to Onan, go fuck this broad. Your dead brother's wife. We need more babies because there's only like 23 people in the world so far.
whlteXbread: Who was Onan the son/relative of?)
Bonusland: The son of Judah and Shua.
So, Onan banged his used-to-be-sister-in-law-but-now-she's-a-widow, but he felt bad about it so he pulled out.
Or, "spilled his seed on the ground." as Moses called it.
whlteXbread: And then Onan got dead?
Bonusland: So yeah. God didn't like Onan's birth control method, especially when God wanted a Godson, so he killed Onan.
Technically the first Skeet ever.
Or at least the first documented one.
whlteXbread: right. i love this: "so then God said to Onan, go fuck this broad."
Dillweed talks to Anderew W.K. about hitting on...
rjdlc:
syntheticpubes:
Dillweed: Andrew, my friend told me you hit on her at a bar in NYC. Her name was Leslie and she said you smelled really bad. Is this true? Saturday, April 3, 2004 Andrew W.K.: Dear Dillweed, You’re right, I did hit on her. I hit on her all night until she was bloody and smashed beyond recognition. Right when I got into the bar I walked right up to her and hit her right...